They tried to make me go to rehab and i said

no, no, no. and flashed them a... smile. yeah that's what i did ;)


i think i need therapy. dude. rough week. but you know what? i am proud of myself because i am learning to do so many things i used to have a hard time doing... open up when i am hurting and well... JUST DANCE. that's my therapy. Always. I love it (and the song)

Valentine's weekend was cool I got a couple of invites out that weekend but I decided to just have a fun night out as a single lady. Apparently, as has been my M.O. for years on end, that's the best way to do it. Even when I was in a serious relationship I would try to avoid my b.f. for most of the day if I could. I hate that there is a day designated to show that you care for someone...Anyways...


In Korea, girls give boys chocolate. Stupid idea. The day before was relaxing. Some of my kids gave me chocolate. I thought that was sweet considering I'd only known them a month-ish... Then we went for hookah and wine. mmm.

Saturday, I hit the town. We'll just say lots of free shots and flowers ensued mostly because I was out with 2 hot blonds, and that led to some funny pictures afterward. Oh and I got my hair cut at this awesome place in Itaewon... every black woman (and man) in Korea must go there I think, but man, its Korean women doing the hair... I mean like ajummas braiding and shit. that was an awesome experience. It's called Family Hair

Then I bought an i-pod touch Sunday, for cheaper than I would have in the states. We went to Yongsan, an electronics market . The train ride was on the painful and long number 1 but I got there OK. What's great about it is that you have massive amount to choose from, I mean building upon building of electronics. And, you are expected to haggle. Anyways I love my touch...
so you'd think that start my week of nice right...
lets just say people are not always what they seem and someone I thought I trusted as a cool person I met in Korea turned out to be the exact opposite. I knew it was going to be a crappy day and when i met my LEP, she said you don't seem like yourself today. Yeah well turns out (yes i know i am being cryptic, but I'm not putting it all out there) that it needed to happen anyways because I realized I wasn't really hurt so much by that, but by an issue in my past I still haven't completely dealt with, or gotten over, and I don't know if I ever fully will. All I know is that it showed me I am not ready to deal with relationships yet, and that running away to Korea won't make it all better, I still have to deal with my problems at some point. Still to say I wasn't hurt, would be a lie, and lets just say I ignored all phone calls/conversations with the opposite sex all week. To trust is painful. I hate that it must be done. Curse human interaction!!!! (OK I needed that)

So you'd think the pain would be enough for one week, but then the dreaded scheduling came out this week. Apparently I have joined CDI in the middle of the worst term ever and took over the worst classes ever, and it shows. Would I say I am the best teacher ever, absolutely not. I am working on it everyday, coming up with new ideas for the kids etc. But finding that balance between pleasing the bosses and pleasing the kids. Well that's difficult, especially taking over from a teacher who let the kids do what they want because he was leaving, and knowing my CCTV gets watched everyday... well that's how CDI pays you, for learning to balance the two. You'd think they'd cut me some slack for being new, but basically I got told that my kids hate me so I get a crappy schedule. What is this, grade school? You punish me? If I am a bad teacher fire me... that I get. or put me on probation... if i am not bad enough for that...i am really confused, but i don't want to run away. My H.I.'s said I was improving nicely week after week, and I asked my kids to write me anonymous letters and they said I was nice, so who is lying to me??? I didn't even know about these surveys, and of course my first few weeks are going to suck. Who are these people???... You can flaunt pedigree on PhD and shit but as I learned working for Harvard doctors, common sense is not common... take for example my teaching material. Sigmund Freud!!!! really? to kids who cannot speak English? and you want me to make that fun? i suppose the most experienced teachers could do it but I'M NOT ONE YET....You'd think that's what they'd try to teach - of for gods sakes HARRY POTTER!!! my kids fucking love it anytime i talk about this... dude half the time I'm bored....

OK so now that I've vented how can i make this work? a source who asks to remain unnamed told me they always screw new term teachers over... it's all a juggling act at CDI... everyone, boss and kids... but at the same time, have control. I want to be an amazing teacher. Its not my life calling, but I'm in it for a year, so a year is what needs to happen... I walk in everyday asking how I can make something fun and I am improving. I guess my super huge ego is just learning that I am not always perfect at everything I try, and that's hard for me.

whew. now that I have vented, for more fun, last night was ladies night in Itaewon. Free drinks!!! fun fun fun. a huge group of us went and I got to know more of my coworkers. I really do love them a lot, it'd be sad to leave, they all begged me to stay because it'll get better. we'll see whats up...just gotta get unstressed again

and now what is this shit i hear about North Korea, and this Obama as a Chimpanzee article in the NY Post?Oy Vey

Dear me, Just Breathe. Kumbaya...
more fun times here